so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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