I hope mine doesn't look like that
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The struggles of a small town man whore
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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