Where are you?
In a non slutty way
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
