Screwed.edu
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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