and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
