do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
