I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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