so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
