just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
