it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
