This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
