I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
