Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
