I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
