Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize