Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
