dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i believe in u and ur pee
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
