did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
