She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
