What a fucking waste of an outfit
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize