I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
