Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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