I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
