piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
