i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
