for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
