I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
