OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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