By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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