I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
