After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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