it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
