You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
