Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
and she was petting her beer can
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
