grandma shit on top of the toilet
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You are a genius and a whore.
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