Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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