i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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