he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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