Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
4 words: hood of his car
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
