Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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