I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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