Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
