I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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