I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize