Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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