I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize