Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
