bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
