My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize