every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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