We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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