I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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