when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
