why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
