im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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