So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize