True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
