Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
