Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
