I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You pole danced in your parka.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize