you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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