Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My balls are so social today.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
